


The last moment

by HaruIchigo



Series: Happy Life Day! (With love and squalor) [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Outbound Flight - Timothy Zahn
Genre: Alien Cultural Differences, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drama & Romance, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Infidelity, Religious Guilt, Sexual Tension, The Force
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:29:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27999036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HaruIchigo/pseuds/HaruIchigo
Summary: Lorana and Thrass survived the landing of Outbound Flight. Lorana still sees the dreams of their imminent death, but there, behind the fear, lies something else...
Relationships: Lorana Jinzler/Thrass | Mitth'ras'safis
Series: Happy Life Day! (With love and squalor) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2025602
Kudos: 3





	The last moment

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [В последний миг](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27975270) by [HaruIchigo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HaruIchigo/pseuds/HaruIchigo). 



Uliar held Thrass’s hair, wrapping it around his hand so that his head was thrown back, and another colonist, whom Lorana did not know, raised a knife to his defenseless throat. The blade looked especially shiny against the blue skin.

Unable to turn his head, Thrass looked at her, squinting his red eye to the side, and it made him look like a trapped animal.

“What a glare! These creatures hate us!”

“He's not a creature”. Lorana tried to relax and breathe deeply. “His name is Mitth'ras'safis, and he almost died saving you. Please, let's all calm down.

"Some diplomatic skills!" Said the master's voice in her head mockingly. She closed her eyes for a second, pushing him away.

"Jedi Jinzler," Uliar said, wincing. “We can't let him go. He will bring his people, and they will shoot us from the orbit”.

 _"We can't let him go,"_ said his quick, nervous look to the sullen crowd. _"People need someone to vent their anger on."_

“He doesn't even have a comm! And even if he did, he can’t use it here. He is in the same position as us. Please... you don't want to start a new life by killing the one who saved you!”

She spoke to Uliar but kept glancing at Dillian Pressor. He stood, lost in his thought, not looking at her. His hand was on his wife's shoulder. No, he couldn't be her ally.

“What a savior!” A woman cried out. “He saved us, because otherwise he himself would have died! Don't try to stop us, Jedi Lady!”

Lorana felt something touch her shoulder and shuddered, but it was just a TM-420. He approached and stood beside her, stroking the butt of the blaster. TK-986 stood on the other side.  
Feeling their support, Lorana perked up. Just to think that the presence of clones on board once seemed superfluous to her!

“One person cannot be responsible for the entire fleet!”

“I'd rather die than spend the rest of my life with _moactan teel_ ,” Thrass hissed on Sy Bisti. Lorana did not know the last words, but it was clearly something offensive. “You all are just barb…”

He gasped in mid-sentence when the butt of the gun hit him in the solar plexus. Lorana felt the situation spiraling out of control. This blow was the first stone, and if she wouldn’t do something, an avalanche will follow.

“You want to avenge the victims, I understand this! But... there are other ways. You can exile him”. It sounded awful, but Lorana couldn't think of anything better. Only in ancient legends, the Jedi pacify the warring armies with a word and everything ends well. “No one can survive here alone for long, and exile means certain death. If you want to kill him”.

“And if he survives?” someone asked from the crowd.

“If he survives,” Lorana found the questioner and spoke to him, looking straight in the eye. “If he is not killed by wild animals, hunger, cold or disease, then it means that the Force saves him”.

From the way the colonists began to look away, one by one, she knew she had done the right thing by mentioning the Force.

Uliar noticed it too.

“We ended up here because of the Jedi. I would not listen to you, but you are lucky that it is not me and not you who decide. Now, the colony decides. Raise your hands to exile the Chiss rather than killing him!

A second of silence dragged on for an eternity, but then one hand rose, followed by a second ... the words went to the back rows, and, to Lorana's delight, more and more hands were raised. After counting them, Uliar nodded.

“We will take him further into the mountains and leave him. He does not want to live with the barbarians, so let him survive as he wants. Cajon, Mei, with me”.

Lorana's heart sank down from a terrible guess: they would take Thrass to the mountains and finish him off, and they would tell her that he had left, and she would not be able to argue - the colony needs to survive, they have no time to look for some Chiss.  
But if she asks to go with them, it would mean she does not trust them.

“But…” she began, but the TM-420 put his hand on her shoulder.

“I'll go too,” he pronounced sternly so that no one wanted to argue with him.

***  
"Outbound Flight" fell in the gorge at the foot of the mountains, and helping the colonists to unload the cargo, Lorana kept glancing at the slopes overgrown with forest.

_"He's there with them. They may be killing him right now, you need to run and intervene..."_

But it was already too late. It was always too late for her.

Uliar and the others returned at dusk. In muffled conversations, every now and then they slipped: "... got what he deserved," "... can't let go just like that."  
Lorana heard them from her berth but did not leave. What could she ask? Was he really left alive?  
TM-420 himself came to her, and stood by the table, at which Lorana was just trying to make a new entry in her diary.

“They beat the Chiss hard, but no fatal injuries, he will live. I found a cave for him, left water, rations and a couple of blankets”.

Lorana jumped up, forgetting about everything.

“I'll go to him now. Please show me the way!”

“It’s too dark, even I’m not sure I’ll find him like this”.

“But he needs bacta!”

“He’s able to wait until the morning”. The clone's voice softened. “I even dragged spruce branches, made him a bed. He said that he could kindle the fire himself”.

Lorana smiled faintly.

“Thanks, Tem”.

“Tem?” The clone asked, puzzled. Lorana blushed.

“Sorry, I meant "TM", but if you like being called that, I can…”

The clone considered and nodded.

“Tem… Yes. I like it. Thank you, General Jinzler”.

Lorana blushed again, this time from an undeserved promotion. The clone was just used to calling all Jedi generals, he was definitely not trying to flatter her.  
But she was pleased that Tem didn’t leave Thrass, although she didn’t ask him for anything.  
She really missed friends in this new world, and Thrass did too, even though he seemed angry. She just knew the truth.

***

She still could not get used to the thought that this planet was her new home: fogs in the morning rustles of nocturnal animals in the darkness, dreary bird cries at sunset. A campground surrounded by a force field, and colonists of all races: serious, hard working people, albeit broken forever by what happened.

They worked, doing what they went for, and it seems they got used to the new land... but Lorana could not. Now she clearly understood that she was not ready for this mission, and all the time secretly cherished the hope that she and her teacher would simply conduct a colony and return ... somehow return to Coruscant, to civilization.  
Even now this hope has not faded, and it seemed to Lorana that only Thrass, who had been here by mistake, would understand it. But when she came to the cave by the river, according to Tem's coordinates, her confidence faltered.

There was no one in the cave. A blanket thrown on the spruce paws bed, neatly folded clothes, briquettes of rations, a dead fire ... and drops of blood on the stones. Following the drops, she found him in the river, where tree roots and rocks formed a small backwater.  
He drifted on the surface, eyes closed, holding to the root so as not to be swept away by the current. His long, bluish-black hair laid on the water like a halo, and small white leaves covered them, covered him like flower petals.  
He was completely naked, and at first, Lorana did not see this, admiring the way his blue skin seemed to merge with green water... but then she did, and immediately turned away and coughed, drawing attention to herself.

“Thrass ... good afternoon”.

She heard a splash and a ringing silence. But, having mastered himself, he answered.

“Lorana Jinzler. Good afternoon”.

There was neither joy nor anger in his voice. Just cold evidence that he noticed her.

“Yes, I brought bacta and something else... won’t you catch a cold in the river? The water must be freezing”.

“I'm a Chiss, it’s not this freezing for me. It also relieves pain a bit”.

The cloth rustled, - Lorana guessed that he removed the blanket from the bush, but did not turn.

“Sorry about what happened, they shouldn't have… I didn't think they would want to kill you. You were right, this is barbarity!”

“Barbarity, but a quite expected one. It’s unclear to me, though... why are you not with them?

Lorana bit her lip. It seemed to her that everything was clear: it is unfair to leave someone who has not done anything wrong. And after everything they had gone through together, she considered him a friend.  
But on the ship, Thrass was different.

“The Jedi don't pick sides. We are the peacekeepers”, she said, but more to buy time, to think things over.

Thrass walked around her, wrapped in a blanket, and fumbled at the tree roots for hairpins. He limped and bent over with ill grace, the right half of his face was swollen, purple. He again tried to look at her from the side so as not to turn.

“I don’t know who the Jedi are, but you’re not some third force right now. You are one of them, and if you go against the community, you will end up like me”.

He turned his disfigured side to her. Lorana saw worse, but appreciated the grandstanding.

“I'm just doing the right thing. Time heals all wounds; people will understand that they were wrong, they will accept you…”

“This is not what I would like”.

Lorana was rarely angry, but now she was flushed with anger. Such arrogance! On the ship, he felt open and honest, ready to sacrifice his life to do what’s right. He said he respects her! And this man... Chiss... would not lift a finger if she were being torn apart by predators right now.

“I left my bag in the cave,” she said coldly. “This is part of my share of supplies, you don’t owe them anything for it. If it bothers you”.

“And what I owe you then?”

“Nothing. This is humanitarian aid”.

“Thank you, Lorana Jinzler”. Thrass finished pinning his hair and stood casually leaning against a tree. Lorana felt rather than noticed a slight quiver of tension.  
He tried very hard not to fall.

“Goodbye,” she said quickly and walked down the path.

“The sooner you start saying "we" and not "they", the better for you!” came the response.

***

She wanted to throw Thrass out of her thoughts, but she couldn't. As time went on, her temporary tent on the outskirts turned into a real wooden house attached to the temple. It still smelled of fresh wood, and every morning the clean smell of snow mixed with it more and more often. Only here Lorana began to recognize it.

She no longer went to the mountains - there was no need. _Outbound flight_ , unsuitable for living anymore, was left in the gorge, everything that could come in handy was taken from it, except for a crumpled broken Skysprite fighter, which could not be taken to the colony.  
Every morning Lorana went out onto the porch, shivering from the cold, and one of the clones, Tem or Tek, was sure to wait for her with breakfast. It didn’t look like an obligation, but more like parental care… at least that’s how Lorana imagined it, and the clones said they were glad to do it. Several times she refused food, asked to take everything to Thrass, but received the same answer: Thrass left the cave long ago, and nobody knows where he is now.

On the day the first snow fell, Lorana sat with the clones on the porch and watched the patterns of snowflakes falling on the railing. She had never had time for this before. To think about it, she never had time for anything with Master C'Baoth...

“I've heard talks in town,” Tem began, and Lorana tensed. She was used to the fact that nothing good follows after this phrase. “Some want you to teach force-sensitive children, others want to send people like you to live on _Outbound Flight_. Uliar says that the colony doesn’t need Jedi, Pressor hesitates, the rest are divided between them. Everything as usual”.

“He said the same about the temple. That it can always be converted into a warehouse”. Lorana put the mug on the railing and wrapped her arms around herself. “He's right, though. I can't teach anyone here. Local children ... they already have attachments, I don't know what Master C'Baoth was thinking!”

“Is attachment a bad thing? Many people only dream about it”, Tem said thoughtfully. “To have someone to protect, to make a meaning out of this mess”.

“Many, but not Jedi. What other news?”

“The generator is working, but Tabori offered to stock up on firewood just in case,” Tek said, pouring the cafe into Tem's mug. “Everyone is afraid of harsh winter”.

“So you will go to the mountains? Today?” Lorana felt her heart pounding in her chest faster and faster. As from a premonition.

“Yes, if the snowfall doesn't go harder”.

“Then I'll go with you. We need to find Thrass and bring him here. And it doesn't matter to me whether he wants it or not!”

Tem took off his gloves, folded them neatly and tucked them into his belt, sat down, shifting in the chair. Lorana noticed long ago that the first sip of caf in the morning was a ritual for him. It used to amuse her, but now there was no time for that.

“Your cheeks are quite crimson, Jedi Jinzler. Did something happen?”  
He asked quite seriously, but his eyes were twinkling.

“No, everything is okay. Tek just added too much pepper to the caf”.  
The clones looked at each other but did not comment.

“If I were him, I would have found refuge lower, in some valley. I'll mark such places on the map,” Tek said.

“Too complex. _Outbound Flight_ is a real fortress. Start with it”. Tem pushed over Lorana's reconstituted bread, generously spread with nut paste. “Eat well, and when you want to go to the mountains, I'll make you more”.

“Why are you feeding me all the time?” Lorana could not help smiling.  
The clones looked at each other again, this time embarrassed.

“Because you always care about others and forget about yourself”, Tek said. “People think that the Jedi are above thinking about how to comb their hair or what to eat, it never occurs to anyone that you are also human. The familiar thing it is. In the war, many people did not consider us human too”.

“I always thought that you and Tem are better than many of my acquaintances”. Lorana turned to look at her reflection in the windowpane, trying not to think about her Master. “You said about combing... is my hair really that bad?”

Tek hesitated.

“Well, I won't tell you that. They are longer now, I don’t know if it is good or bad. He has long hair himself, so he might like it”.

“Oh, come on…” Lorana rolled her eyes. “A Jedi should always look neat, that's the only reason why I ask”.

They talked about Thrass as if he was alive and well, sane enough to appreciate her hair. For this confidence Lorana was especially grateful to them.  
But didn't believe it.

***

Dark clouds hung low, the snow was falling in heavy, wet flakes.  
In the snowy twilight _Outbound Flight_ towered like a charred black rock. The D-4 dreadnought was half-buried into the ground like a flimziplast thrown into a trash can, but the colonists cut a hole large enough to make it convenient to take out the cargo.  
Lorana entered the darkness and activated her sword. The familiar hum helped to focus, to draw to the Force. If Thrass is alive... if only he was alive!

In the darkness, _Outbound Flight_ felt like a grave. The grave of her teacher, the grave of unfulfilled hopes. Making her way between the torn panels and hanging wires, she felt a strange chilling horror in the depths of her soul, as if they were not wires, but tree roots, not panels, but fragments of a coffin.  
She and Thrass were meant to die. They deceived fate, and fate will not forgive this. A strange, wild thought, but Lorana couldn't let go.  
She and Thrass live the borrowed lives... but maybe he has already paid off the debt ...

“Lorana?”

She knew that he was there, in the turbolift shaft, even before he called, and almost ran to meet him.

Thrass jumped onto a cabin stuck in the middle of the shaft and unhooked the cable. Behind him, an iron duffel bag clinked with something.  
Lorana expected to see him different: frozen, hungry, unhappy.  
Needing her.  
But Thrass was apparently healthy, and dressed warmer than she was: black overalls, similar to a pilot's, but with a fur hood, and uniform boots. On his shoulder, a patch with a coat of arms unfamiliar to Lorana dangled on one thread.  
He turned on the flashlight and hung it from the ceiling. Only in the white light, which was giving each hollow a clear shadow, Lorana noticed how much weight he lost. The high cheekbones sharpened even more, and purple circles formed around the eyes. For some reason, he didn’t cut his hair, but he was now braiding it.  
He looked at Lorana so eagerly that she almost backed down.

“Thrass… I'm glad to see you”.

“It’s mutual”. He could not see enough of her, drank her with his glance as if he found water in the middle of a desert. “How did you find me?”

“It was not difficult”. She turned off the sword at last. Thrass was not dangerous. It seemed so at least. “The ship is the most obvious place…”

He chuckled, tired and smug at the same time.

“You just got lucky today. Sometimes I live here, sometimes elsewhere”.

“Is there someone else on this planetoid?!” It would explain everything: his calmness, pilot's overalls...

“No”. Thrass shook his head. “It's just that _Outbound Flight_ isn't the only ship to crash here… but it's a long story. I, apparently, now the owner of this crypt, so I must be hospitable. Come with me”.

_"A crypt"._

Lorana faked a smile and accepted the invitation.

***  
Trass settled in dilapidated D-3, next to an abandoned evacuation Skysprite. The front half, with the cockpit, was torn apart and disassembled from the inside, the rear half from outside. Adjacent to one of the sides was something like a tent, made of plastic and tarpaulin, inside there was a reddish light: Thrass had fitted a signal lamp for his needs.  
There was so much life in this place that Lorana immediately felt warm. It was not a crypt, on the contrary. A small island of hope. But hope for what?

She noticed the unbuttoned sleeping bag and sat down opposite, tucking her legs, although she wanted to check if it smelled like pine needles, like Thrass, when he hugged her to break her fall...

Of course not, she thought, blushing. _"Even I have problems with hygiene here, he must be too..."_

But there was no persistent, pungent smell that usually accumulates in houses and tents around. Something was in the air, but it was more unfamiliar rather than unpleasant.

_"He is a Chiss, of course he smells different ..."_

For some reason, it excited her.

Thrass returned with a small gas canister and a burner. He seemed preoccupied as if he were hosting a reception for twenty people.

“I have two types of tea brew: bitter and with the addition of berries. But I might warn you, the berry one can make you dizzy, and if you drink too much, strange dreams will come”, he said quickly, lighting a fire in the burner. “Unfortunately, I can't offer you food, I've already had dinner, and spare breakfast is now a luxury for me”.

“I will have a bitter one, thank you. And... I have sandwiches”.

Thrass put on a pilot's helmet full of snow on the burner and sat down on a sleeping bag.

“I beg your pardon,” he suddenly said somewhat ceremoniously. “The way we parted… I was wrong”.

Lorana thought she should have chastised him, but she didn't want to. He seems to have apologized sincerely.

“I'm not mad. But I was offended”, she admitted. “You behaved very differently on the ship. And... I defended you afterward, why were you so cold with me?”

Thrass stirred the snow with a knife.

“Pride, is the last bastion of the Chiss. Perhaps I should have begged, somehow made them pity me, but I was not taught this. I was taught that I should be a worthy representative of my people and not bow to anyone. Show no weakness”.

Lorana nodded. They both did what they were taught: he persisted, she tried to save the innocent. As if the given program was switched on, contrary to common sense.

“I understand what you mean. But in the forest, I still saw your pain, no pride would have helped. Some things cannot be hidden”.

“They cannot. But you can't help but try”.

Lorana paused, not knowing what else to say, glancing around the arches of the "tent". She felt comfortable, as in a distant childhood when she and her friends made forts from pillows and blankets. How long ago it was ... before the Temple, in a different life ...

“You promised to tell how you survived. I didn’t think… ” She thought about it, looking for words that would not offend him.

“You didn't think I could”. Thrass poured her some makeshift tea. He tried to be courteous, but she noticed the way he was looking at her parcel of sandwiches, and she felt ashamed, like the time she saw him naked.

“Yes. I don't know who you are, but in my opinion, you are not a soldier or an agent”. Lorana opened a parcel and gave him a sandwich.

“Thank you, I'm not hungry”. Thrass took the treat but put it aside.

 _“Breakfast is now a luxury for me,”_ Lorana remembered, and again felt ashamed, not fully understanding why.

“Can I guess? Even thinking that we were going to die, you spoke so formally ... are you a diplomat?”

“Nearly. I'm a syndic. I don’t know how to translate this for you ... to put it simply, I am a politician, concerned with the interests of my Family”.

“The politicians I know are not so… fit for the wilderness”.

Thrass smiled a little smugly.

“It's all my brother's fault. He believes that mind and body should develop mutually.

“Is he an older brother? If you listen to him like that”.

“Yes, but that's not the point. He... admits only those who share his interests, and this has always been the case. From when we were children, I got used to the simple fact that spending time with him means only doing what he wants: sports, shooting, or hiking, for example. However, this is better than wandering through museums for hours under the endless accompaniment of his art lectures on art”.

“That sounds selfish… sorry, I didn't mean to offend your brother.

“No, you're right, I admit, although I love him. In the little things, he is terribly selfish, but when it comes to the Ascendancy, no one is more altruistic than him. True, he hurts himself more than helps others ... sorry, I always start complaining about him. The bottom line is that he got me hooked on physical activity”.

“I'm grateful to him for that,” Lorana said and blushed as she thought how strange that sounded. “Thanks to him you survived. And... you said you found another ship that had crashed”.

“Yes, on the other side of the ridge. I decided that there was no point in sitting in one place, since no guests were expected, and decided to cross the mountains. These were the Ascendancy scouts, something forced them to make an emergency landing, but they could not take off. One died from the claws of some beast, the second, apparently due to illness. The Navigator…” Thrass hesitated. Somehow it was difficult for him to speak of it. “The navigator was shot in the back of the head, she didn't even have time to feel anything”.

Something seemed strange to Lorana in his reaction, but she did not want to ask again and torment Thrass.

“The ship is more or less intact but flies like a speeder, no higher. I brought it closer here, this is my main base. I haven’t decided yet whether I’ll get to the dreadnought completely. I don't want your people to accidentally see me”.

“No, please, move here! I just found you and I don't want to lose you again, let's be neighbors! Then I can finally stop worrying”.

Thrass smiled, surprised.

“How responsible you are, Lorana. I won't be lost anymore, I promise. By the way... can I call you, say, "Anji"? Calling you by your last name all the time seems to become inappropriate”.

“By my last name?” Lorana was completely confused. He never called her...

And then it dawned on her. Mitth'ras'safis, a Syndic of the Mitth family. Since the Chiss always had a surname in front, he thought it was the same with humans!

“Sorry if this is too hasty”. This time Thrass lowered his eyes in embarrassment, and Lorana suddenly thought that they were almost the same age, maybe he was older, but not by much. He just kept himself much more confidently. And ... she would be happy to have at least a little of his courtesy!

“No no. The thing is ... "Lorana" is my name. I liked that you immediately started calling me that. Like we are friends”.

Was it her imagination, or did his blue cheeks become a little purple?

“The concept of human names is incomprehensible to me, once again please, accept my apologies. If you don't want to be Anji, I will continue to call you Lorana”.

“Thanks. Although I also like Anji”.

There was an awkward pause. Lorana pretended that she was blowing on her tea, although it had cooled down long ago.

“I have to go, it’s already dark. But I will definitely come back”.

“Not necessary”. Thrass shook his head. The embarrassment passed, he became cold again, a little distant. “You'd better be with your own kind. They may not exile if they find out, but for them, you will forever remain unreliable. I'm not sure I know who the Jedi are, but it seems your goal is to preserve the morality of the community, to believe in something nobler. The colony cannot do without you. The trouble is, it might not want to have you”.

Lorana didn't want to admit he was right. It bordered on banal cowardice! But still…

“Thank you for your hospitality, Thrass,” she said colder than she wanted.

He did not accompany her.

***

And yet she returned. And came back again and again.  
Thrass actually got on board the _Outbound Flight_. He tried to repair the Skysprite, so every time Lorana came to him, most of the time she had to look at his long legs sticking out from under the dashboard.  
Not that she was against it.

Thrass never stopped repairs for her. His whole life was subject to a strict routine, “to preserve the sanity,” as he himself said. With him, Lorana felt lazy, although her life in the colony was not at all careless: the colonists gradually got used to her, but along with the pluses it brought new worries. The life of the colony was still chaotic: she had to become a substitute teacher at school, had to argue with Uliar, had to help in meat and vegetable preservation and take care of animals. People came to her for spiritual advice and just to complain, so by the evening she was glad to just sit next to Thrass, not deciding anything, not worrying about anything.

Their conversations became a little one-sided at times: he spoke in a long and confused manner, like a lonely man who had been silent for too long, and Lorana noticed how he stops himself mind over matter, specifically asking her questions in order to interrupt the flow of his own speech. At first, he apparently only asked about the Jedi and the Republic out of courtesy, but gradually he began to show genuine interest. He himself knew very little about life outside Chiss space, and Lorana was surprised to realize that his knowledge was outdated by several thousand years, no less.

“It must be tough for the Jedi”. His voice sounded muffled from under the dashboard. “The Sith Empire, as far as I know, is powerful. Please give me a screwdriver”.

“The Sith Empire no longer exists. For about four thousand years”. Lorana put the screwdriver in his outstretched hand and winced as she touched his palm.

“Really? Huh. What a pity”.

“A pity?!” She didn't expect that.

“Yes, I heard that it was a strong state that could achieve a lot. It was not only beneficial for the Chiss to ally with them. It was an honor”.

Lorana was speechless. If they talked about the Sith in the Temple, it was with regret and disgust, as about those who could do great good, but for some reason preferred banal evil. It turns out that it seemed great to the Chiss...  
An unpleasant chill crept into her stomach. The Chiss shot the _Outbound Flight_.  
But they did it because the master C’Baoth refused to obey, not because they are evil. An entire nation cannot be evil. And yet, the Sith was...

“You talk about it so calmly”. She was glad that Thrass could not see her face. “But you thought I was one of those who fought with your allies”.

“It was… _ktah_ … all this fur!” He pulled off his jumpsuit to the waist and tied the sleeves on his bare stomach. The lower from the chest, the darker the shade of blue became, from the navel, a thin strip of indigo, crept under the tied sleeves. “Returning to your question: all agreements have been canceled long ago. If it turned out that now it is more profitable for us to side with the Republic, I would, upon my return, bring this issue up for discussion by the council. But so far it is difficult for me to draw a definite conclusion”.

“So you really hope to come back…”

Thrass climbed out from under the dashboard: a smudge of soot was dark on his cheek, his red eyes were almost angry.

“Why else would I do all this? I do not hope, Lorana, I plan to return in this fighter. Even if I didn't get to an inhabited planet, the patrol ship would quickly spot me in Ascendancy space”.

Lorana looked dubiously at the completely disassembled electronics. Thrass practically reassembled the Skyprite using all the parts he could find on the two ships.

“I see how you look. Do you think this is impossible?”

“I don't know. I would never try this myself... but if you need any help other than handing you screwdrivers, just tell me”.

Thrass thawed a little and nodded gravely.

“Thanks. I will take advantage of the offer when it comes time to work on the fuselage, but so far there is not enough space down there even for me alone.

Lorana felt the blood rush to her face at the thought that she could now lie there, under the dashboard, in the semi-darkness, smelling of metal and burning wiring, pressed against Thrass... as in a common grave.

 _“If you feel chills for no reason, like a draft, it means Death did not close the door,”_ an old woman who sold souvenirs in Jedha City once told her.

Death did not close the door...

Thrass pulled his jumpsuit on again.

“The most unproductive day. Well, it's time to finish anyway”. He sighed. “Just in case - it's not because of your words".

“I know.” Lorana faked a smile, although the chills were still there. “Do you want homemade wine? Pressors brought a lot with them and shared with me”.

“Perhaps not today, I still need to check the fish traps. But if you bring me some spices, I'll cook _feer'woi_ for you. Our ancestors invented it to make ice ages warm and fun.

“You know how to survive in the forest, fix mechanisms, cook... did your brother teach you everything?”

Thrass laughed, but it was a somewhat sad laugh.

“No, he never had that much time. My family had only one maid, so everyone had to share housework. And my brother was a slacker, mind you. And as for fixing... I collect vintage speeders and restore them, this is my pastime. What are yours, Lorana?”

“I… it must be very boring, but…” Lorana took a long gulp of wine from the flask. “I like to watch birds. And I still do it, and keep records, although I do not know the local breeds... no, I better ask you something”.

“So I can start blabbering about my brother again? Well no, let's better talk about you and the birds. You share very little about yourself”.

“Because I have nothing to tell”. Lorana lowered her head. She was never asked about personal matters, she was just a shadow of her loud teacher. Sometimes she even liked it: inconspicuous, she made observations that helped the case. Master C'Baoth called her irreplaceable... but he also called birdwatching stupid. As well as a lot of things she did. Therefore, she lost the habit of telling anyone anything about herself.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to push. I know it's like those moments when someone asks for a book recommendation and you can't remember a single one”.

Lorana laughed with relief.

“Yes, now I can't either. But I like reading history books and popular science. And you?”

“Crime investigations. This is not serious literature, but sometimes I feel that if I do not get distracted from the complexities of politics, my brain will explode…” Thrass looked into the polished strip on the panel casing. “Why didn't you say that I have dirt on my face?”

Lorana took another gulp. She was not used to drinking, and already felt dizzy.

“Because then you are imperfect, like me…” She thought it was a good joke, but Thrass gave her an odd look. “Let's talk about what we can't do? I can't sing, I have no sense of pitch at all”.

She thought that Chiss pride would prevail and Thrass would never admit to anything, so she suddenly felt so much fun nudging him! She felt light and free. If he now asked her about anything, she would not be ashamed! She would have seen which of them is braver!  
But instead of closing in, Thrass moved closer, looked into her eyes.

“I can’t sew”.

“You’re kidding me! It's easier than mechanisms…”

“Not at all, I really can't. One day my daughter brought me her toy with a torn-off paw, and I had to send her to a maid. I am still ashamed that I let her down because she went to me, and not to her mother, that surely means something. I know, it sounds like a trifling matter. But still…”

Lorana did not listen. The flask almost fell from her weakened hand.

“You have a daughter…”

How is this possible? They're almost the same age! He could not make it all...

“Daughter and son. She is the eldest, she is five, and the boy is three”.

Lorana rose as if in a trance.

“I remembered ... sorry, I had to go... they will look for me…”

Thrass asked something, but she did not understand, only nodded vaguely, and hurriedly got out of the fighter.

She was really looked for. Tem met her at the exit of the gorge with a flashlight and a fur cape in his hands. The snow was falling in large flakes, and all the way home Lorana talked and talked about how the colony was not at all sad, that she was used to it, and that this is a wonderful place full of kind people, and the evening was wonderful today...  
... until Tem stopped and hugged her silently, patting her head as if she was a little girl.

“Everything will be fine, Jedi Lorana. You yourself will understand what is best for you”.

“Sorry. I don't know what you mean…”

“Well, but I know”. Tem sighed. “Tek too. But nobody else. And no matter what the Chiss told you, he certainly had no right to utter such a thing”.

Lorana laughed and felt a little better.

"So you and Tek... gossip about me?"

“Of course,” he replied, and for some reason, it sounded not at all strange and not offensive. “We have already figured out everything among ourselves, so there’s nothing more interesting than you and the Chiss”.

Lorana wanted to say that she would not go there anymore, that there was nothing to discuss, and nothing will be ... but she could not deceive herself.

 _"That’s how attachments form..."_ she thought, and shuddered with horror.  
This couldn't happen to her, no, no!

“Please, Tem, let's go home, ” she said quietly. “Tomorrow we have to get up very early ... let's get out of here”.

***

The first colony’s Day of Life was approaching. There should be a ceremony on the Day’s Eve, a feast for the whole colony, and on the first day of the new year, - a morning prayer. Lorana ran off her feet, trying to be in all places at the same time: in the temple and in the warehouse, where, secretly from both children and adults, the Pressors and a team of "holiday Wookiees" were packing gifts. Gifts were prepared before the flight, and they miraculously survived.

Lorana herself asked Mrs. Pressor to teach her how to knit. The choice of the thread was limited, but Lorana chose a green one to knit Tek and Tem's scarves, and red for Thrass, to match his eyes.  
This occupation helped her meditations in a strange way: measured counting, the jingle of knitting needles, a thread weaving endlessly with itself...

“Life is the same endless thread”, Lorana thought as she sat by the lamp with an unfinished scarf in her lap. “And by the will of the Force we converge, we turn into something united. No one is alone and never will be alone, and it makes attachments meaningless: we are already connected in the Force".

She bent down to pick up a yarn ball, red as fresh blood. Like a Thrass’ scorching gaze.

"And yet he is lonely ..."

She firmly decided to go to Thrass, leave a gift, wine and spices. Not to talk, just to make him warmer.

But Thrass got ahead of her.  
One morning she found a piece of plastic on the railing with the words "Test run tomorrow" scrawled on it.  
The snow covered his tracks, but still, she stared for a long time at faint traces leading to the gorge.  
He was here.  
And he will be here no more. If he succeeds ...

Of course, she pretended to be cheerful, as if nothing had happened. She gave him a bundle with a scarf, wine, and spices inside, as planned, but Thrass did not even look at the gifts, only thanked him briefly, and immediately invited her to take the co-pilot seat.  
The canopy was clean, the tent disappeared - the only thing that gave out a malfunction in the Skysprite was the bare control panel with the cover removed.  
Thrass had a hard time restraining his excitement, unsuccessfully pretending that this was just a test that meant nothing, but Lorana could feel his excitement without even using the Force, just watching his fingers touch buttons, levers, and sensors.

“That's it, the computer only needs to diagnose the systems”. Thrass leaned back in his seat and for the first time looked at Lorana as if he really saw her.

“You probably miss your wife and children very much,” she said politely. That’s it. It’s almost not painful.

“Children, mostly. My wife and I get along pretty well, but it was a marriage of convenience: I felt that my position in the family might become precarious because of my brother’s actions, and when I was offered to marry a Syndic, nee Mitth also, I immediately agreed”. He paused but did not turn away. “Sometimes I regret it. It all happened too early”.

“And ... your brother?” Lorana hastily trying to turn the conversation to a safe topic.

“He was never interested in such trifles as family and marriage. And he didn’t have to constantly prove that he was trustworthy and didn’t at all look like “this ticking bomb,” as one of our relatives said”. Thrass exhaled sharply. “Sometimes I thought if he disappeared from my life, it would be easier for me. But then the thought that I would lose him became unbearable”.

 _"It is the same with you for me,"_ Lorana thought, looking at the wrinkle that crossed his high forehead. Thrass, as if sensing her thoughts, was embarrassed.

“I'm babbling about him again… why did you ask?

“I thought it was important for you, and…”

“Diagnostics finished, finally”. Thrass turned away, not listening. “The autopilot hasn't been repaired yet, so take care of the auxiliary engines, please”.

He turned on the fuel supply, the sensors on the control panel came to life. All that remained was to start the engines.

Thrass took a deep breath and pulled the lever smoothly. Skysprite vibrated, buzzed, and Lorana felt a strange joy and excitement: if everything works out ... if everything works out, then maybe she too ... but no, she can't. This colony was their mission, hers and Master C’Baoth’s. She couldn’t betray it.  
She took a deep breath, focusing on the flow of the Force. Her hands moved automatically, but her consciousness plunged into peace and silence.

The Force pervades everything. What's the difference, Coruscant or an unnamed planetoid? The place of the Jedi is where one is needed.

She heard the buzz grow louder, and Thrass cursing through his teeth. Skysprite shook, metal creaked.

“Should it...”

He didn’t hear, simultaneously pulling the lever and trying to twist something under the panel.  
Skysprite thrashed, the buzz turned into a wheezing, the dashboard sparkled, smelling of burning wiring ... and suddenly, with a sharp screeching of turbines, the fighter fell silent. The lights went out, for several seconds there was complete darkness: not a rustle or a breath. Thrass seemed to have ceased to exist.

Red emergency lights lit up, and in their dim light Lorana made out his motionless silhouette.

“Thrass...”

He unfastened his seat belts and stood up. Then walked over to the wall, turned on the standard lighting.  
The dashboard stood in front of him, dead and burnt. He hit a button at random, pulled a lever ... but the lever slid out of the leaking plastic, dragging long strings with it, like molasses.

Anger. Pain. Disappointment. Self-hatred, and rage, rage, rage!

Lorana felt the impact before his fist landed on the dashboard. She felt the pain Thrass did not even notice.  
He kicked and smashed everything that he has created for so long and with such difficulty. His cry was the cry of a wounded animal.  
He was ready to destroy himself with this fighter, and Lorana could not stand it. She raised her hand and concentrated, invisibly touching his strange, unusual mind, caressing, comforting ...  
And Thrass really stopped. His despair was dulled, his anger was subdued. He stood, panting, in the middle of the ruined cockpit, hair, loose from his braid hanging over his forehead.

“Did you do that?”

“What?” Lorana dropped her hand.

“I don't feel anything anymore. Is it you?” He spoke softly.

“I just wanted to help a little. The engine can still be repaired, I'm sure…”

“Who…” His breathing became heavier. “Who gave you the right to decide how I should feel?

“I just wanted to help”.

“Halp?! I did naut need your halp from the begin’in!" He looked up at her, angry, eyes red as blood. His accent became even thicker. “I did naut need it an ask fir it! I want return to where home is, to see family! I tire of this... _frahik_! I tire of not able to speak own language! Can you fix it?! No!”

“Sorry. I could…”

He laughed suddenly, covered his face with his hand.

“I shaut at tu... at you, and you say "so’ry"! And you still try to halp! Oh, Lorana... what's wrong with both us?

Lorana blushed, tears welled up in her eyes, for the first time in a long, long time.  
Has she always looked so ridiculous with her apologies, her attempts, with this... hairstyle...

"You're too proud to admit it..." she managed, swallowing tears. “But you needed support and help. You wanted to see me, otherwise you would not have called”.

“I need?” Thrass seemed to regain control of himself. ‘You talk about others all the time, but what do you, yourself, need? You could not get close to any of those barbarians, and therefore you came to me, pretending that this was all charity! Are all Jedi such hypocrites? Then it's no surprise that we have joined the Sith!”

“We are not hypocrites! I…” She almost said "fell in love with you", but the one opportunity to say that instilled such horror in her that she almost covered her mouth with her hands.  
Thrass interpreted this pause in his own way.

“Nothing to say? I thought so. If your Jedi upbringing does not allow you to admit your selfishness and leave, I will help you”.

“Please, do not. I'll leave myself” She wanted her voice to sound cold, but it trembled.

“But you will return again thinking of lonely me, although it is you who are alone here”. Lorana felt him through her storm of emotions. Sadness, bitterness, despair... and something else that she could not find a name for, but knew that it rhymes with something in her soul.  
Why couldn't he say it?

“My brother, Mitth'raw'nuruodo gave the order to vanquish the _Outbound Flight_ ”. Thrass finally calmed down. His voice sounded arrogant and distant. “Then he intended to use the ship as a bargaining chip in the negotiations of the Chaf and Mitth families, so he sent me on board. That's all. You can go and tell your people about this, the sooner they execute me, the better”.

“I will not tell anyone. The Jedi do not torture or humiliate anyone, unlike... no wonder you joined the Sith, and not us!” Lorana got up, and resolutely walked by.

It was all over.

***

Lorana thought that attachments usually end like this: violently, without a chance to heal the breach. She was waiting for the moment when she would stop loving him. She even allowed herself to say "I love him" in her thoughts, knowing that soon these words will lose their meaning.  
But the moment never came.

Night after night she dreamed the same dream: the colonists on the _Outbound Flight_ go to D-4 for some reason and she realizes that the crush of D-1 is inevitable. She and Thrass will die.  
Thrass takes her hand in his and says something, but she does not hear, a hot white flash blooms, absorbs them, and the last thing she feels is the horror of imminent death...

Each time she woke up, panting, clenching the blanket.  
The horror gradually passed, but there was a feeling of incompletion as if there was something else behind the fear...  
These dreams made her shiver with cold, only the hand that Thrass held felt warm.  
She meditated, trying to revive these dreams, dissect them and understand the message.  
They were not like reality: in reality, she and Thrass shook hands and said goodbye, just in case. When landing, the ship shook, Lorana, who did not have time to sit, flew straight to Thrass, and he hugged her, breaking her fall, but this was not enough, she still lost consciousness.  
That's all.

“The flash that destroyed us is passion”, she decided and calmed down. They will never see each other again, which means that the passion will soon pass. Lorana has almost overcome the physical aspect - training and diving in the cold snow at night helped. She just needed to overcome the moral one - the desire to see him, to clarify everything ...

“Everything will be fine,” she thought, cleaning the temple for the upcoming ceremony. "Thrass will fix the Skyprite and fly away. And I won't have to think about his loneliness. He will go back to his family and everything will be fine..."

But these affirmations were hampered by thoughts about the fighter’s behavior. It was very similar to a situation where a faulty calcinator was drawing all the energy to itself, blocking the fuel injectors. Does Thrass know about this? If he starts the engine idle a few more times, it can burn out...

Lorana raised her stapler to pin the scarlet fabric to the bar, but stopped.

"I need to tell him. It's important!"

She plunged the stapler into the wall so violently that the tree cracked.  
These obscurations again! Thrass repaired engines many times, he understood what was broken!  
Rage could pull to the Dark side as much as passion.  
Lorana sat down on the stepladder and placed the stapler in her lap, concentrating.  
Around her, the colony lived its own life, and this smooth current was soothing.

"I am not alone, I am a part of it all. Thrass is wrong, he didn’t mean it!"

"Oh, really?" Said the teacher's voice in his head, bilious, as in his worst days. "And who is your friend? Maybe Uliar, who dreams of getting rid of you? Or the Pressors who will never go against him? Between you and the well-being of their children, what will they choose? Or maybe clones who obey you because you are a Jedi, maybe they are your friends?"

Fortunately, she didn't have to answer. The doors opened, and, awkwardly yielding to each other, dropping odorous branches, clones and Mrs. Pressor squeezed into the temple with huge armfuls of evergreen needle-leaves. Jorad led his sister behind them. Katarin, clinging to her brother, hobbled to the stepladder on still weak legs and spread her plump little hands wide.

“Lola! Ug!”

Lorana laughed with relief, jumped down, and hugged the girl tightly.

“Don't spoil her.” Mrs Pressor piled branches against the wall. “She will give you no peace, today she needs to cuddle with everyone”.

Jorad looked at them gloomily, still resentful. Recently, Lorana finally confessed to him that he does not possess the Force, and the boy was very upset about it.

Lorana took Katarin in her arms.

“I'm glad you came to help. Let's be friends again?”

Jorad shrugged, not looking at her, but did not move away. Some progress.

If only it was as easy with Thrass!

Tek and Tem were arguing about how much ribbon they needed for the garlands. They were dressed in civilian clothes, as opposed to their jumpsuits, and both wore green knitted scarves. Lorana smiled as she saw Tem tied the scarf as usual, and Tek tied an elaborate knot, fashionable on Alderaan.

“I thought you'd be patient until evening,” Lorana said, walking up to them. “But it suits you very well, really”.

“These are the first gifts in our life”, Tek stroked his scarf and smiled. “We didn't know that we needed to wait. There were our names there, so we opened it”.

“They are both the same color”. Tem lifted the edge of the scarf with two fingers. “Is it because we are clones?”

Lorana blushed.

“No! Not at all ... I was afraid that there wasn’t be enough thread... and I thought that twins are often given the same things, so…”

Tek laughed.

“We’re just kidding. They are great. But there is one question. Who wears it better?” He turned to Mrs Pressor. “Marani, what do you think?”

“Of course you, Tek,” Mrs Pressor came over and lifted Katarin off Lorana like a little yisalamiri off a tree. “I noticed long ago that you are a sharp dresser”.

“Then I vote for Tem. Jedi value simplicity and tradition”. Lorana felt warm and light. There was no more need to stew in her lonely thoughts. If Thrass were here, he would also ...  
She stopped herself. It got easier every time!

***  
The snow had fallen since midday, the snowdrifts rose to the knee, but people came to the temple. For the first time Lorana herself performed the ceremony, and when Tem threw a red robe over her shoulders, she suddenly felt that she had finally become an adult. Even cutting off the Padawan braid didn't work that way.  
She carefully took a crystal sphere, shining like a thousand galaxies, and, by Force, lifted it as high as possible so that everyone who had gathered could see: both those who stood in the temple and those who crowded at the door.  
A sigh passed through the crowd of colonists - they seem to have forgotten that the Jedi are not just nosy diplomats.

“Today we are celebrating Life Day,” Lorana's own voice seemed strange to her. When did she become so confident? “For centuries on this day we give love to those who are near, and remember those who are not with us”.

She touched a wall speckled with the names of fallen colonists.

“Wookiees believe that the souls of the dead go to wander among the stars. We wish a happy journey to everyone who left us this year”.

The hall froze in mournful silence. Lorana thought for a moment that in the doorway, among the dark silhouettes, she saw Thrass’s fiery gaze, direct and open... but it was just a play of light in the crystal decorations above the entrance.  
Lorana shuddered, for a moment she lost control, and the sphere almost collapsed; she caught it close to the floor, picked him up again.  
Nobody seems to have noticed, but ...

_"Death has opened the door."_

Now she should have thanked everyone and called the choir, who had long learned the holiday songs, but no words of gratitude came to her.

“Life Day is the day of the family, and no one is left alone on this holiday. But next to us there is one whom we expelled and did not even think to call. Mitth'ras'safis”.

The silence that bound the hall was not like the previous silent prayer. It was a grudging expectation.

“If generosity awakens in someone today to find and bring him to us, then we celebrate Life Day for a reason and the lessons of this day have not passed by. Thank you”.

The silence became even heavier. Uliar, standing in the front row, did not take his narrowed eyes off her. Pressor rubbed his chin thoughtfully”.

“And now…” Lorana cleared her throat. “Let's sing and praise the holiday! Happy Life Day!”

The choir hastily took their places, and, singing along softly trying hard not to be out of tune, Lorana still hoped that suddenly a Life Day miracle would happen... but it did not.

***

Before heading to the colony along the narrow, cleared path, Lorana turned to the mountains and mentally congratulated Thrass.  
Gifts were handed out, it was time for games and fireworks. Lorana was going to be at the party just for a few minutes, to help Pressors, the holiday spirit carried her away. Schoolchildren invited her to play “Who am I?”, young colonists vied with each other to invite her to dance.  
Tek and Tem were mostly on the sidelines. Resting after another dance, she approached them.

“Aren't you bored? Now we will dance in a line, it's simple, I'll teach you!”

The clones exchanged glances in their usual manner and shook their heads in the same way.

“We are not dancers…” Tek began, and suddenly fell silent, looking at Tem. Tem nodded almost imperceptibly. Lorana sensed his confusion, but did not understand what was happening.

“Tem? Are you all right?”

“Just ate something… wrong” He smiled wryly. Lorana knew he was lying. And it wasn’t a cute lie about a secret surprise — it scared Tem himself.

“Come on, hold on me. Next time watch what you gobble”. Tek put his arm around his shoulders and took him somewhere.

“He's sick”, Lorana thought. This was the most obvious explanation. Clones are short-lived. Tek and Tem looked young enough, but who knows how much they have left...

She didn't want to celebrate anymore. She poured herself a hot punch, pretending to be resting. However, everyone quickly forgot about her.  
The teacher always told her that this was the natural order of things: the Jedi appear when needed and leave, fulfilling their duty. So it was time for her to leave...  
Except it wasn’t. Tek and Tem returned.

"Why do they need helmets and armor ..." Lorana thought idly, putting down the mug, and at that moment the clones opened fire.  
The sword was in her hand faster than she thought about it. She reflected the first shot in the snow, the second smashed something on the festive table.  
Behind her, there were shouts and the noise of the scattering crowd. The line fired by Tek broke windows in someone’s house.

_"I need to lure them out of the village."_

Lorana freed herself from the interfering robes and ran between the houses, ducking and dodging. In the alley, they almost surrounded her, but she jumped, pushing herself off the wall, and flew to the roof, and from there - dived into the snowdrift behind the house...  
...and realized that she had driven herself into a trap. In such deep snow, she could not run fast, only jump.  
The entrance to the gorge was probably blocked even more now, so there was no shelter behind the rocks...  
She was left alone, in the open snow-covered wasteland.

_"Now it's either them or me."_

To immobilize them and then interrogate them. But Lorana knew from experience that the clones would fight to the last. She needed to confuse them, to buy some time...  
She concentrated, feeling how the snow behind the two white figures, wandering towards, rolls over, responding to her thoughts,...

“Why are you doing this?” She shouted, noticing that the clones hesitated. “Tek! Tem! We are friends, remember!”

“Nothing personal, Jedi Jinzler”. Tem put a strange emphasis on the word "Jedi". “We received an order”.

“An order? From whom?”

“Order of the Emperor. Kill all Jedi”.

“The Emperor?” Lorana did not look to where the snow rose silently in a wave, rising higher and higher. “I do not understand…”

“We obey Emperor Palpatine. Traitors must be destroyed, Jedi. Order sixty six”.

Lorana felt her fingers freeze, not from the wind, but from the realization of a simple truth.

Palpatine.

No, this is some kind of mistake, the Supreme Chancellor could not do that...

“It could be an impostor. You know me, I did not betray anyone!”

“We cannot know for sure whether you betrayed or not. But the Emperor knows…”

Tek, noticing a strange shadow, turned around, but too late. Lorana squeezed her fingers tight, and the wave crashed, burying the clones.  
Now she had time to run to the gorge, but she had no right to risk it. Once they got out, they could turn back and take the colonists hostage.  
No. Not today.

She felt how the clones came to their senses after the blow...  
... and jumped, aiming like a fox jumping at a mouse rustling under the snow crust. She heard the hiss of snow, felt the resistance of the armor, and in one second Tek ceased to exist.  
Focusing on him, she missed Tem. A gloved hand pulled out from under the snowdrift and grabbed her ankle. Lorana collapsed flat, air flew out of her lungs like from a balloon.  
A second, and Tem was already on top of her, crushing her armed hand with his knee.  
She managed to roll over just in time, but the muzzle of the blaster rested against her forehead, and she had to concentrate, keeping Tem's finger a millimeter from the trigger.

_"Think, think…"_

“Tem…” she croaked, gasping for air. “You don’t… have to… do this if you don’t want to. We here… we belong... to ourselves. And I... as your commander relieve you from the order!”

“You killed my Tek”.

“Because he tried to kill me.” The end of the green scarf swayed before her eyes. “I did not want this”.

“I don’t want that either. But an order is an order”.

Lorana bit her lip. One more, one last effort ...  
She closed her eyes and felt the soft wool of the scarf. She had worked on it for so long, and this feeling was so familiar... just pull the threads, as usual, to straighten it, just pull...

Tem wheezed. He tried to rip off the scarf, but the threads hardened, digging into his throat harder and harder, the tension did not loosen. Lorana knew that she needed to throw him off, free her hand, but was too afraid to lose control.

“Tem… it's not too late…” she whispered, choking him. “Please…”

But even losing consciousness, dying, he grabbed the blaster and fumbled for the trigger...

The shot pierced the armor, the body, swayed, and fell to the side. It was no longer Tem; all of Lorana's friends, her brothers, were no more ...

She sat up, deactivated the sword. Terrible fatigue fell over her, she just wanted to lie back in the snow, but before she could do anything, she was bathed in the warm smell of pine needles, and Thrass hugged her tightly, feverishly, as if drowning.

“Anji… Anji…”

Lorana didn't even realize at first, that he kissed her. Her fingers gripped a red scarf, just like Tem's, and instead of enjoying her first kiss, she thought, _"I'll never knit again"._

Thrass moved away but didn’t let go. For the first time, Lorana examined his eyes closely: black pupils, light, almost pink irises, scarlet whites. And such a worried look ...

“Thrass... What are you doing here?“

“I was waiting by your house, but you left for too long, so I decided to return. Anji... Lorana, I came to apologize. We started badly, and the continuation was even worse... and now I almost lost you... what happened?”

“I don't know. The clones received an order from someone to kill me...”

Lorana froze. She and Trass exchanged glances and simultaneously rushed to the corpse.  
With frozen fingers, Lorana fumbled for a transmitter with a small holoprojector.  
Thrass muttered something unintelligible and sighed heavily.

“It's my fault. I will fix it, I promise”.

Lorana shook her head, stroking a black burned hole in the transmitter.  
She pressed the button while playing the last message. The holography did not want to appear, crumpled like a flimziplast and twitching. Through the interference, nothing was heard except for the creaky, endless: "...der sixty-six."  
Lorana shook the transmitter, it wheezed something inarticulate and went out.

“All this time… all this time they had a working comm and they didn't tell me. Probably the Emperor forbade them”.

“Emperor? I believe you said you are from the Republic”.

“Maybe I haven't been home for too long”. Lorana bit her lip, holding back tears. She was ready to forgive the clones’ betrayal, to tell herself that they were confused by the sudden order. But they were not confused. And they didn't need her forgiveness.

Thrass stood up, checking the charge in his blaster, and hissed in displeasure.

“What are we going to do with the corpses?”

“We…” Lorana did not finish, noticing two men with rifles, wandering through the snow from the village. Uliar and Pressor. How good that they have arrived just now!

“Hands up, Chiss!” Uliar shouted in Sy Bisti, taking Thrass at gunpoint. “Drop the blaster!”

Thrass rolled his eyes but obeyed.

“Are you okay, Lorana?” Pressor asked as he stepped closer.

“Careful, there is... Tek”, Lorana shook the snow off herself and only now felt how cold she was. “Don't step on him, please”.

“Can you finally explain what is happening?” Uliar continued keeping the Thrass at gunpoint.

“The clones have betrayed us”. Lorana was feverishly wondering whether to tell them about the transmitter and Palpatine. Something told her to be silent. “Maybe it's a "clone disease", I heard about it. Madness.

“Or perhaps they conspired with the Chiss to lure you out so that the colony would remain defenseless and his people who would come for him would kill us all”.

“That's stupid”. Lorana avoided looking at Pressor, fearing that he would lower his eyes again. “Thrass helped me”.

“Chiss has occupied our ship, it’s enough to be shot for. Although I can guess why you are protecting him, Jedi Jinzler”. Uliar's gaze became angry and mocking. “You have trodden the path to the _Outbound Flight_ , but a young girl is sure to make such mistakes. There is a one cutsie-wootsie bastard we have here, though blue”.

“What does he say?” Thrass asked quietly, looking sullenly.

“Mister Uliar is talking nonsense”, Lorana answered loudly, looking Uliar in the eyes. She felt an unprecedented calm and knew clearly that if this man took even a step towards Thrass, he would receive a blade in the throat.  
She wanted him to take this step.

“Don't, Chas”. Pressor stood in the firing line. “Now is not the time to quarrel, you need to think about the main thing. People are scared, they need an explanation. We'll take the corpses to the back of the temple if Lorana doesn't mind, and the Chiss will be retained in my tool shed for now. Tomorrow we'll get together and have a chat. Well?”

Uliar reluctantly lowered his rifle.

“As you say. Take ... this one, and call Pax, he’ll help with the bodies”.

Lorana realized suddenly that all this time she was barely breathing.  
She wanted to kill a man, she really wanted... her temples throbbed from horror.

“I'll explain to everyone what happened. She switched to Sy Bisti, addressing Thrass. "Thass, everything will be fine, Dillian Pressor here will keep you safe".

Thrass frowned, clearly about to say something harsh, but his face suddenly softened.

“If you believe him, then I believe too, Lorana. It seems that I have been stubborn for too long, and it did not bring anything good. Just take my weapon, please”.

Pressor took him by the shoulder, and Thrass followed without resisting, asking him about something along the way.

Lorana picked up his blaster. She wanted to apologize to Uliar, now he seemed to her not an enemy, but an ordinary person, nervous and tired of the responsibility that had fallen on him, disappointed in the Jedi and his mission.

“You're doing the right thing… Chas,” she said.

"Is "right" means “the way I want”, Jedi?”

“I would never want to have any business with you, never at all“. Before, Lorana would rather die than say that to someone. But this night something ended forever. “None of us have a choice”.

Uliar chuckled, and for the first time seemed to relax beside her.

“It's true. I don't trust you or your Chiss... but I trusted the clones. I don't know what that says about me. In any case, I do what I think is necessary, and it is not for you to judge me”.

Lorana shrugged.

“Happy Life Day, Chas”.

***  
Fatigue piled on her like a lead weight, but sleep did not come. Lorana forced herself to sit down in the Temple and meditate.  
She was afraid to look inside herself. She used to think that the Dark side was angry, furious, like Master C'Baoth’s. She had never experienced such kind of rage, so she thought she was safe.  
But her own anger was more insidious.  
She killed the clones, feeling pity and grief. Suffering wounded her soul, but the Force consoled. Lorana knew that there, in the warm waves streaming through infinity, Tek and Tam found peace forever, together, becoming one. No one can ever force them to do wrong. They are free.  
But rejoicing for them and grieving for them, she could not hide from the horror of that cold and calm hatred, which in an undertone prompted her to kill Uliar.

She hardly had to participate in the Clone Wars, but she had heard of other Jedi who had been hardened by endless murders to the state of inhuman coldness.  
_"Am I really the same?"_  
Oh, how she regretted that the teacher was not around! But what could he tell her? He himself was captured by the Dark side.  
If other clones received the same order, then there would be no Jedi left to tell her the right path.

Lorana lay down on the cold floor strewn with pine needles. The snow started again, and the shadows of the snowflakes glided over the walls.

The darkness consumes everything.

D-1's crash is imminent. She and Thrass will both die.  
Thrass takes her hand in his and says something, but she doesn't hear, a hot white flash blooms, absorbs them, and the last thing Lorana feels is fear of imminent death ...  
... but there is something else behind this fear.

_"Please please! I don’t want to forget!”_

“I don't want to forget…”

She woke up with tears frozen on her cheeks. The narrow window was ajar, and the snow quietly covered her like a white blanket.

Lorana stood up, shivering, slowly realizing where she was. The clock in the datapad read eleven, one hour before the Life Day.  
No one should be alone on this day.  
That was the only reason she went to Thrass.

***  
Pressors hadn't even locked their tool shed.  
Thrass laid in the dark on an impromptu bunk of boxes and a thin mattress and looked out the window. Instead of a jumpsuit, he wore Dillian Pressor's shirt and trousers.  
Lorana came up quietly and lay down beside him, on the very edge, so as not to touch him even with the hem of her clothes.

“There are similar snowfalls on Rentor, where I was born,” Thrass said without turning. “As if the whole world is falling asleep. There are only blizzards on Csilla... I forgot such peace exists. That I can cease fighting, cease resisting, cease feigning pride. Just watch it snow”.

“Thrass...”

“Forgive me. You were right, I also suffered from loneliness. But the Chiss should never show their suffering to others, we must hold back. I didn't think this holding could take such an ugly form”.

“I forgave you long ago, and I was also to blame... and I need to tell you something, although it probably doesn't matter…”

“You finally decided to tell something about yourself... of course it's important!”

He put his arm around her. She had to move away from him, get away, but instead, she put her head on his shoulder.

“I always see the same dream. It’s like all the colonists on Outbound Flight went to D-4, which means you and I will die. And I am scared, and I know that in a second I will be dead, but there, behind this fear... I am happy”. She swallowed, feeling the tears running down her cheeks again, and tried to quietly wipe her nose with her sleeve. “I am so happy… because my teacher, the Jedi, the rules — none of this matters anymore. I hold your hand and you look at me. And this is the last, the best... there will be nothing more ... never…”

Thrass turned to her but said nothing.

“But then I wake up …” Lorana closed her eyes so as not to see him. “And it turns out that I did not die. That I should live on and fight myself. And I am fighting... but today I wanted to kill a man, I just... I just wanted to kill him because I was scared: what if he does something to you... I can't... A Jedi shouldn't feel this! And even more so not to a married man... why didn't we both die?!”

“Anji…” She felt him wiping her face. “Look at me”.

“I won't see anything in the dark…”

“Sorry, I forgot ... but still, look at me”.

Lorana forced herself to open her eyes. She felt Thrass's breath on her lips and remembered that he kissed her today, but could not remember how it was.

“You could have killed that person. But you didn't. You could betray me and get rid of the temptation forever. But you didn't. You have understood and forgiven the disgusting rudeness that I myself cannot forgive. You are stronger than you think and kinder than everyone I know, _sou’adan_ , my beloved”.

“Don't… don't call me that, please… you have a family, I can't…”

“I miss my family terribly, I hope to see them again. But one cannot live by what has not yet happened and, perhaps, will never happen. Looking at how that clone kills you, I realized - our life is just this short moment before the great nothing”.

“It's not true... there are obligations…”

“I want to spend this moment with you. For you to hold my hand and look at me”.

Lorana realized suddenly that his voice was trembling too.

“You need to repair the Skysprite ... I'll help you... and you will go away. Promise me that you will go away!”

Thrass was silent. Lorana felt his heart beats quickly under her palm.

“I promise,” he said finally. “But while we're both here, let's try... to be happy. I haven't tried this yet, have you?”

“Me too…” Lorana smiled, wiping away her tears. She suddenly felt light and warm. All this is just a moment before parting. And at this moment she can do whatever she wants.

So she kissed Thrass. And this time she remembered the feeling because it was a completely different kiss: his tongue slid over her lips and ended up in her mouth, his hand lay on her back, and Lorana felt with her hip...

“This is the first time,” she whispered, pulling back a little. “I've never kissed anyone. Is it always like this... does it always have this… effect?”

Thrass cleared his throat in embarrassment.

“I haven't had a woman for a long time”.

“No, I'm not just talking about you ... I feel the same. Physically”. Lorana blushed. ”That is not the same, of course…”

She did not know how to explain it in words, and whether it was necessary. She wanted Thrass to touch her there and feel it himself.

“Anyway, maybe we… just do it? If we are both ready”.

She knew the theory very well, sex was the most natural thing in the world, so why was it so difficult to talk about it?

Thrass sighed.

“In my fantasies, it wasn’t…” He looked around. “A workshop. But at least my hair is clean”.

“Did you think about that?” Lorana held her breath as she felt his hand descend from her back.

“Yes. Since you first came to see me on _Outbound Flight_. I'm not as stoic as the Jedi”.

“I thought about you too… like this”. Lorana lifted his shirt, touched his stomach, feeling his muscles contract. “And I'm ready. I'm already... very ready. How stupid, that's not what I wanted to say…”

Instead of answering, Thrass kissed her again, and she felt his pleasant weight, felt him gently free her breasts from under the Jedi robes, as he bends down, cupping them, kissing the cleavage between them, inhaling the scent.  
Lorana hugged him, untied the lace, loosening his soft braid.  
One moment before the great nothing...

The door to the house slid open, hydraulics hissing.

“Thrass,” Mrs. Pressor looked into the room. “Ten minutes before the Life Day, and you must be… oh, and you are here too, Lorana”.

Lorana sat up instantly, trying to hide behind Thrass and straighten her clothes at the same time, but Mrs. Pressor seemed to see nothing in the darkness. Or pretended not to.

“Come on, celebrate with us”.

Thrass bit his lip.

“It's an honor for me,” he tilted his head slightly, as if at a social event. “Thank you, I will certainly attend. Lorana?”

“Yes of course”. Lorana wrapped her Jedi robes tightly around herself. “Thanks”.

She only exhaled when Mrs. Pressor was gone. And heard Thrass laughing softly.

“That's what I was talking about. We never know the future, Anji”.

Lorana could not resist and kissed him again.

***

Katarin fell asleep on her stool, Pressor poured wine and at the same time tried to list everything that was on the table. Mrs. Pressor tried to remove the loth-cat which was gnawing at the garland’s ribbon. Jorad, stealthily, dragged another piece of cake to his plate. The Tabori couple in the back room tried to soothe the baby and argued about something.  
Thrass tried to maintain a meaningful conversation with Pressor about unfamiliar food, but Lorana did not even try to delve into it. She and Thrass reached each other under the table at the same time, their fingers intertwined, and that was enough.

“Almost midnight!” Someone shouted outside the window. “Ten!”

“Nine!”

“Dillian! Pour me one! Jani! Diran! Come here, quick!”

The sparkling wine cork fired, Katarin woke up and roared, Jorad dropped the cake.

“Katarin, this is just a bottle!”

“Seven!”

“Six!”

“We must make a wish!”

“Five!”

Thrass turned to Lorana, and for the first time she saw his scarlet eyes sparkle with laughter.

“People are so noisy,” he whispered, trying not to laugh, but Lorana was already infected.

“And the Chiss are too chatty!”

She could hear the countdown in the streets and at the table, fireworks exploding and glasses clinking, but she didn't care, because Thrass kissed her a moment before the end of the year, and everything disappeared, as if in a blinding flash.


End file.
